My greatest fear is failing. In high school, I was afraid of failing classes, messing up in a school play, being left out...fear of not getting into college, or the right college. Fear of disappointing my loved ones, fear of disappointing myself. This fear of failure is constantly riding on my shoulders. I'm not sharing this so that you feel sorry for me, but because I have a feeling that I"m not the only one.
I think it all comes down to one thing...fear of rejection. Which is actually hilarious when I think about my career. I experience rejection every day. But what does rejection even mean? When I applied to McGill for graduate school, they "refused" my application. I remember being so shocked by that wording. I was "refused." So what's the difference between refusal and rejection? Is one better than the other? How much power do I give others that I allow them to refuse or reject me? Does it have to be personal? I have yet to get a rejection and not feel a pain in my gut. But maybe it's not a failure but just a choice.
Davey and I truly believe in our music. It's so difficult to take a leap of faith, but here we are asking for $12,000 on Kickstarter so that we can record an album together. Failure is on my mind today because I'm thinking about how it is a very real possibility that we won't receive $12,000...and Kickstarter is all or nothing. If we don't get the full campaign funded, our campaign is done and everyone gets to keep their money. But the thing is...we don't have the money now...so we really have nothing to lose. Our dream doesn't finish with the campaign.
I like to get things done. Which is also hilarious because in music, nothing is ever done. And the other hilarious thing is that even when things are done...they aren't really done. A show ends, but the music still exists, and the memory of the performance still exists...
It's about the process. As my mentor tells me "Life is Practice." So, if I'm practicing..then I don't fail...I just learn something about myself...about my experience with life.
So far in our Kickstarter we have:
1. Embraced Social Media. We are going live every night on Facebook. This is totally out of our comfort zone. Neither of us are stereotypical millennials. We are still trying to figure out how to connect with our generation. So far, in our live videos we have connected with friends, family and a few strangers. We have had the opportunity to share our music. What a gift.
2. Authenticity: We have been fiercely honest about our wants and dreams and values. We are practicing sharing ourselves without a candy coating. Sometimes we disagree. Sometimes we get grumpy. Sometimes communication is difficult, but through our music we have another avenue.
3. Value: We are practicing raising our awareness of our worth. How much are we worth? Can that be measured? If we don't make the $12,000 goal, are we being rejected? NO! We have so many supporters. This has been abundantly clear so far. We have a community of people who love our music. When we value what we do and who we are, then we are able to share ourselves and nurture our community of supporters.
Asking for help is so vulnerable. We are here. Open, honest, uncomfortable. Thank you for being a part of our journey. We are going live every evening between 8:30pm and 11pm on FB (www.facebook.com/bostonimposters). We are asking for help to achieve a dream that we believe we are worthy of. Sharing our music. If you feel called, please pledge or share our kickstarter with your community here: THE BOSTON IMPOSTERS FIRST ALBUM KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN
We are truly in the process right now. Success or failure...it's only a matter of opinion.
Love to all of you,