When I was in high school, I was an "over-achiever." I got A's, did AP classes, did all the plays and musicals, choirs, dance classes, piano lessons, voice lessons...it was insane. When I got into college, I was so excited because I thought 'Now is the time I will be able to focus on what truly matters...music..." Of course, even in college, I had a lot of academic course work. I was raised in an environment where I could do anything...and everything that I wanted to. It was amazing, and I was exhausted 100% of the time.
I am self-employed. I get to dictate my schedule. This means that I can be busy and exhausted 100% of the time...but I don't like the way I become when I am running on empty. I become desperate, mean, sloppy. If I can create my life, why am I so tempted to run on empty? Because I fall into the habit of worshipping the Gods of productivity. There is a high I feel when I am constantly running on only adrenaline. I get to avoid my feelings, I get to accomplish a million tasks...I get to pretend I am SUPERWOMAN. It is amazing--until my body literally can't stand it anymore and I crash. hard.
Because the thing is--those feelings that I avoid will catch up with me...
Because when my worth is based on how much I can accomplish in the shortest possible amount of time...I enter into a swirling black hole of perfectionist hell. I can never measure up. I will never be Super Woman that way.
It is so scary to live life radically. It is scary to take a day off on a Tuesday during the 9 to 5 work hours. What will people think?
What if I live my life putting my needs ahead of my schedule?
-To be so in tune with my body's needs that I take a nap in the middle of a "work day..."
-To create my schedule out of trust instead of fear.
-To live my life as a healthy, young, adult, teacher, artist...
Only then can I really be Super Woman, or the best version of my self.
I was watching my cat take a nap yesterday and I thought about how I would never treat my cat the way I treat myself. She is worthy of life simply for being alive.
Let's celebrate self-care. Let's celebrate naps. Let's turn around the negative connotations of being lazy.
I am worthy of life simply for being alive.
So are you.